When your wife agrees to submit to your authority, she needs to experience, both emotionally and physically, what it really means to have you be the master in your marriage. Demonstrating that you mean business, either through eye contact, a firm tone of voice, or, if need be, a spanking (in cases of outright disobedience or disrespect) gives her a very powerful message. If you never applied this principle, she couldn’t help but wonder (whether she admits it or not!) if you were really her leader at all or just one in name only.

More importantly, don’t feel guilty for asserting yourself in this way, especially if what she really needs at the time is to feel that you are physically in control. In fact, by insisting that she surrender to you in this way before the relationship is made to suffer, you are helping her to do what she could never do on her own, especially in the case of a strong-willed woman. This point is crucial: by agreeing to be in a relationship, she has entrusted you with the authority to decide what is best for her and for the relationship, including the element of control over her body.

Be aware that she’ll probably still rebel sometimes, most often with regard to matters in which there has been previous disagreement between you. Remember that she has been used to the idea of getting her own way by continuing to insist until you gave in to her way of doing something. But, deep down, she knows that, by submitting to your authority (even if that means physically submitting), she is putting her marriage ahead of her pride. By literally putting herself (whether or not she is willing at the moment) in your hands, she is showing you that her body belongs to you. She is also sending you a powerful message that she considers your relationship to be more important than any disagreement or other issue you might have. By swallowing her pride, she is, in effect, raising a white flag of surrender – a clear symbol of her commitment to you. So, remember: even though she might be outwardly fighting the idea of submission today, inside she has already decided that she wants and needs you to be strong – no matter what she is doing now that may seem contradictory. Moreover, your active dominance and her natural submissive response will work together to enhance your marriage. And, after all, isn’t that what this is all about?

This is really insightful and helpful to those of us who is wondering if it is right for our relationships. By submitting and acknowledging him as the head of the household, we do send the message that we find our relationships to be more important than what usually amounts to trivial matters. Though I still wonder, how does one feel satisfied if by submitting, they may still feel they do not get what they want. Swallowing pride, does it amount to repressive feelings or feeling good and loving? I am still struggling with the messages of equality that's been drilled in, but Loveawake makes so much sense in so many ways.

The defining moment came for me when my husband explained to me that he would always look after me and our family with only our best interests in mind, that he wants to be my "knight in shining armour", to take care of me and our family and be not only my physical strength but also my mental strength, the leader. Basically, what he was saying that what he was wanting to do was to look out for me and to "give" to me in his masculine way, and in turn I would be submissive to him and honor him as the head of the household. To me as a once major egalitarian feminist, it seemed that what the woman received in such a relationship was exactly what most women, in my opinion, want. This power exchange gives each person what they are truly needing in such a relationship. The man is made to feel respected and honored as the leader, and the woman is made to feel cherished and loved. If you look beyond the logical reasoning of "fairness" and look to one's sense of peace, happiness, harmony and fulfillment in a relationship, the satisfaction is easier to see and have.

I personally find that I am less repressed since having a relationship. I express myself more freely rather than less. Being in love certainly wouldn't work for me if I thought it meant I couldn't express an opinion or say what it was I wanted. It wouldn't work for me if I thought my husband was just going to override me all the time, and not care if I didn't like something, or if something was bothering me. I don't want to be married to a steamroller. I don't want a knight in shining armor, either, I just want a man who cares about me and wants me to be happy and who is sufficiently interested in me to want to know if I'm not happy with something. And I've got one.

"The defining moment came for me when my husband explained to me that he would always look after me and our family with only our best interests in mind, that he wants to be my "knight in shining armour", to take care of me and our family and be not only my physical strength but also my mental strength, the leader." So beautifully said! Why can more men not say these things? It seems to be an ultimate signal of strength.

Hi...I think you make a very good point. I think for the most part women in relationships do consider 'harmony' and domestic tranquility more important than whatever their own priorities are in a specific disagreement. The assumption I am making here is that neither the man or the woman is being petty or unreasonable. But in some cases both may have different priorities. He may listen attentively but as happens so many times his own feelings about his choice may seem more important 'to the relationship' than his perception of the woman's priorites. But he listens and does not withdraw. He has connected in a meaningful way. This seems to be what is most important to many women. This being said, it is certainly possible that a woman does indeed have to repress her feelings, does indeed feel her place in the relationship is compromised at least temporarily. Often times we hear about women 'needing time' to surrender properly, to wholly submit to the authority of the man. This can take her hours or even in some cases a day or more. The HOH is usually advised to let her go through her process, to come around when she is ready, it is her problem after all. Sooner or later, she will accept that he was 'right' all along. Well, I don't know about right or wrong, I think most disagreements are really a matter of different priorities. It seems to me that women are in effect trying to find their place within this framework of male authority being expressed in this way. For some women, these repressed feelings could stay repressed for years before they show up in a couples interaction but show up they surely will if they continue as a lingering resentment, even one that is not fully recognized. Do repressed feelings equal loving connection or even an acknowledgement of male 'right?' I really don't think so but the individual has to decide that for themselves.